Job Advert Cliches And What They Really Mean

Would you want to work here?

I work in news where there are hundreds of cliches, but job adverts are also full of them.

Below are some of the most common and what I think they really mean.

A Competitive Salary

We will pay you the minimum we can get away with.

Salary Based on Experience

We are looking for the cheapest hire.

A Team Player

This is a cliquey place. Deal with it.

Self starter

We have no time to train you for this role or explain properly what you will be doing. Even finding the kitchen and toilets on your first day is down to you.

Dynamic Work Environment

Everyone here is overworked and underpaid.

Ability to Multitask

You will be asked to do everything. Either because we are under resourced or because your colleagues are always off sick because of the dynamic work environment!

Flexible Work Environment

We might let you leave on time every now and then.

Talented and Friendly Team

If you're not good enough we will all hate you.

A Hard Working Individual

Slackers need not apply - as we are looking for someone who can cover our work when we leave early for the gym or golf.

Or

Be prepared to stay extra hours and possibly weekends so the boss can have more time off.

Passionate and Enthusiastic

See above.

Agile

Can you do backflips? Or can you follow the company direction when it keeps changing its mind!

Salary 'competitive'

We will pay you the minimum we can get away with.

Actively seeking a.....

They ARE actually hiring as opposed to it being just a ghost job.

Ability to think outside the box

Can you suggest somewhere different for our Friday drinks or the Christmas social (see also Good Organisational Skills).

Basically, anyone that says this phrase, ironically, has no creativity and ability to 'think outside the box'.

Excellent Interpersonal Skills Required

We have some really difficult people in the team.

A Fast-Paced Enviornment

There's no lunch break.

Duties May Vary

We haven't really thought about what you'll be doing yet.

Committed To The Role

Please don't leave after four weeks like the last ten people.

Detail Oriented (see also Switched On)

Know where the office is.

Good Sense of Humour

Either there is an office prankster who thinks it's hilarious to put salt in your tea or the salary will be laughable. Whatever, if you see this mentioned in an advert - run!

Working here is like being part of a family

My idea of hell.